i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the condom got lost in my hair
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
