The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
