there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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