forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
should my penis look like a turkey
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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