Plan B is the new Plan A
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
