I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
