It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
