i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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