I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
