Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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