Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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