we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
