grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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