I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
