i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
