Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
