I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
