New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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