Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Someone signed my nipple.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
