I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
