At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
