My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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