i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
