Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
