Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
