Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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