Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
