We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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