If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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