And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
