my mouth tastes like poor choices
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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