Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
