Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
