Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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