is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
