Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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