I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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