The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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