just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
