He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
