So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
