I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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