I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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