how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have feelings that need drinking.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
