I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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