Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
