butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
