She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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