Porn is love you can see.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
