I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The feeling are messing with the penis
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
