I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
