Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
