the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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