Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
