Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
