The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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