she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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