The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
