I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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