dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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