Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
