Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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