I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
