nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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