he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
