Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
