Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
