How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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