I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
