dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
