it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm just crazy horny about you
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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