I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
