I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
