Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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