All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
