sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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